Renaissance

There may be times when we still long to go back to the time when everything feels perfect as if everything is craft to perfection, until we look closer to the present and realize that what we have now may not feel like a blissful reverie but can still be the best for us.

There will be times that we had second thoughts from choosing what’s best for us and wishing to go back to the days that we have everything and do not need to choose, until we take a closer analogy and realize that we may not have everything but what we have is the best that we could have.

There are times that we will crave for attention and helplessly trying to portray the old superstar that we are and steal the spotlight in the center stage where we used to reign, until we carefully observe the podium and realize that we may not be that superstar on the spotlight but we are the stars of our own stories.

We will suddenly thought that things have changed and we are not who we were.

And we wept.

And run.

And event tried to stop breathing.

But we stand up, and carefully collecting the broken pieces of ourselves as we try to make a different person, trying to move on.

And we fail. But we keep on trying. And we still fail.

Until we look closer and realize that we cannot change the persons inside us, that we cannot run from the past. We may have made tons of imperfections and have been humiliated, but we cannot make it right by changing ourselves. It's all over and scratches were made.

We close our eyes. Take a deep breath.

And we see a brighter understanding of what life is and realize that we are not made with multiple personalities, and moving on is not synonymous to change.

We are who we are, and no amount of unfortunate events can change that. We just realized that certain things has to fade away with time, that we cannot always be at the top, that things are made with equal opportunity for everybody.

And we accept.

And continue living.

taking calls never been this damn exciting...

i always hate what i am doing. i always want to run and hide under my bed. i always wanted to escape from reality of working hard to live. i always have been a call-center hopper. but this time, taking calls has never been as exciting as this.

i get up at around 4:30 in the morning, which i have never imagined that i am capable of doing, start the day with a cup of coffee, take a bath with my newly-rebonded hair, get dressed, and climb the street heading to the highway. as i arrive to the office, put my bag in the locker, grab my foamies and wallet, i immediately look for a comfortable post and way more than excited to take calls.

i don't know. i just can't explain why am i feeling this way. maybe it's because of Grace and her diet tips. or maybe because of my new team mates and their old-school jokes that still making me laugh myself out. or maybe i just really have to be because i know i deserve to be.

i am not considering the last one because i don't want to do something just because i have to.

it's my off today and i want to go to work. maybe because i wanted to run away from home and away from the people who keeps on saying that they love me but obviously doesn't. or maybe it is not because of work or money. maybe it's something else.

for the first time since last year, i can say, i love what i am doing. and i am starting to love the people around me.

maybe that's the key. maybe it is the most essential ingredient of happiness. maybe it's all about love.