I was just laid off. Actually, I resigned—for whatever reason, no one really knows. Everyone was shocked, even I. If you are earning an extraordinary salary, being able to sustain all your needs and wants, having no home works, and no headaches once the shift ends, there could be no reason to resign—that’s what I also thought. But something made me stop. Ironic as it may seem, but sometimes we crave to take a few-minute break even while in the middle of the battle.
Right now, I got no hell of idea what am I going to do, where to start, and how am I going to get a new job (or maybe what job). Thanks to Bob Marley songs—I am starting to forget the hard things little by little. I just heard this line from his song saying something like “when the rain falls, it doesn’t fall on one man’s housetop”. It gives me a bit of hope that someday, somehow ‘every little thing is gonna be alright.’
I have prepared, planned, and dreamt of this, really. But all of the sudden, I was like stuck in the middle of nowhere. All I can remember is that I was on my way to a friend’s get together (actually, to a mall) when everything just popped out of my head: “I miss going out. I miss having a ‘life’. This is not how I expected things to be. I wanted to resign.” And poof! That night I already informed everyone that I am going to resign, and so I did. I decided that fast. Not thinking that our income tax returns will be released by February and that staying two more months will make me earn 30-40 thousand more, including salaries. It was as easy and effortless as turning off the television when you’re already tired of watching and you wanted to sleep.
Honestly, I never quit. Everyone knows that. I only stop when I have already reached the top. Maybe if any of my close friends would know the shallow reason why I quit, they won’t believe me. (Sigh)Call center industry really taught and make me do everything I never opted to learn and never thought of doing. First, it taught me of becoming more versatile as a person—meaning doing something that I really don’t feel like doing. Second, it made me feel like the smallest creature ever existed. And now, it made me quit. Never in my entire career path have I experienced quitting without getting anything yet, and I never thought of doing it so sudden. Honestly, without the high salary that they offer, I will not last that long.
Actually, it’s all for my family but what happened is not what I have planned. Things change so fast that I was not aware that it’s already changing. Until one day, everything seems to be something new, as if those things just existed. It’s like waking up in someone else’s bed, hugging somebody else’s pillow, stepping down the stair for the first time, walking inside a neighborhood’s living room, eating breakfast prepared by that old woman that I never saw before, and, the strangest feeling of all is that it’s like feeling so tired realizing that I was just resting. These scenes made me think of quitting, asking myself, “Where am I? What is this all about?”
I decided to change things, or maybe taking it back where it was before but it’s too late. I was gone for years. I was busy building my career—for them actually. It’s just funny to think that everything is already messed up while I am trying to fix it (or giving them a better life).
Now, all I know is that I need to find a job and spend more time with my family. There may be some things that we can no longer take back, but there are still some that can be fixed. I’ll better start it now.
Chillz!